Meghan Black & Rusty Reid, c. 1999

**************
PART 2

The cabin was eerily quiet, the only sounds the buffeting of icy wind against the weathered walls and the men's soft breathing as they sat, watching each other. Looking up for what seemed like the thousandth time, Ray caught Fraser's eyes on him. The look in those familiar eyes rattled him, causing his rebellious heart to pound and his body to react in ways he didn't want to be thinking about right now.

Ever since Ray had found Fraser, holed up with the other two bank robbers, he'd felt like he was in the Twilight Zone. He wouldn't have been at all surprised if eerie music began playing up in the rafters. The first time he'd seen this new Fraser, in the still shots taken with the bank camera, his mind had burst forth, teasing him with fantasies he didn't need to be having. And now? Well, the kinky sex show that had been going on in his brain, night after night, was flashing forth in Technicolor right now. Things he *didn't* need to be remembering, rebelliously rising in his brain and distracting him...

And he didn't need to know that 'this' Fraser not only felt the same, but was obviously willing to act on those feelings with no hesitation whatsoever. The man was coming on to him, for Chrissakes, something Ray would have sworn Fraser didn't know how to do at all…much less to a man. Ray cut his eyes over to the figure slouched in shadows. He knew the next few hours were going to be the toughest of his life. The local police would probably make it up here in the morning, but until then, he had to try to figure out what had happened - and why. And how he was going to deal with this oh-so-tempting stranger in his friends body...

Ray looked away, staring unseeingly out the window at the bare trees lashing in the wind. The situation was bizarre enough already. He didn't need his dick to lead him in over his head - or his heart. Nothing good could come of giving in to this.

Pangs of hunger finally forced him to find food, scrounging through the packs tumbled in the corner of the cabin. After an awkward inner dialogue, Ray ended up jury-rigging the handcuffs to a leg of the heavy wooden table so he didn't have to watch Ben so closely. His hand ached already from the tense grip on the gun, and he knew that it would be hours before the police found them. One whole long night at least, and possibly another day together before Fraser was taken in. Ray licked his dry lips as he dumped out packages of preserved food on the table and sorted through them. He knew without looking that a pair of intensely blue eyes were watching him...closely. The sound of a voice in the uneasy silence made him jump.

"Ray, you know I could help if you'd let me go. What harm would I do you? Jay wanted to hurt you, kill you, but I just couldn't allow that…" Ben's voice was soft, deceptively so. It caressed Ray's skin like a lover's touch, making him look sharply at Fraser, only to turn away, regret mingled with disappointment. It would be madness to let his guard down. As much as this man looked and sounded like 'his' Fraser, he was not. So different…so dangerous. So incredibly attractive.

Ben shifted and winced. Ray twitched, yanking his eyes away from the sleek line of Fraser's thigh, caught in conflict between helping his partner and the need for caution. He wanted to wipe the look of discomfort off of Ben's face, unlock the cuffs and take him in his arms, see if the familiar stranger felt as good as he looked…But he didn't. Couldn't.

"I got a fucking cramp in my leg from sitting here like this. Really, Ray, you don't want to be inhumane."

Ray jerked in shock at the sound of Fraser's voice wrapping itself around the epithet. It sounded obscene, thrilling, and he fought down a rush of adrenaline as he turned to face the other man. He'd felt bad enough about putting handcuffs on Fraser, but didn't see where he'd had much choice. Knowing his partner was in pain, however, bothered him more. Ben smiled back at him, a little malicious, and held up his cuffed hands. Ray knew that he shouldn't trust the man, but...

"If I uncuff you, will you promise not to bolt?" Ray dug in his pocket for the key to the cuffs.

"On my honor." Ben said solemnly, eyes twinkling.

With practiced ease, Ray turned the key until it clicked and let the cuffs drop on the table beside them. Ben began to massage his wrists and Ray couldn't help but notice the smooth, capable movements of the thick fingers as they worked over the reddend flesh. Swallowing against the tightness in his throat, he realized suddenly that he was standing way too close to Fraser for his safety or his peace of mind, and stepped back. Glancing up, he saw that Fraser was smiling, a little cat's-got-the-canary smile that made Ray nervous. He stepped back again. Fraser stepped forward.

"Frase, you have got to be *unhinged*! You can't possibly-"

Ray's words cut off as hard hands grabbed his biceps, yanking him forward and pulling him against the other man's chest. Shooting a glare both angered and unwillingly aroused at the Mountie, Ray's next words were stifled as the tantalizing lips settled over his own. //I am in serious trouble here// were the last coherent words that went through his mind before he wrapped his arms around the body of this stranger who had been his friend. Fraser kissed like a demon, warm lips drawing all thoughts of resistance from Ray's mind. The kiss was heady…intoxicating. He didn't even mind the taste of tobacco on Fraser's tongue. A tongue which was eagerly playing havoc with his senses.

When Ben released him, finally, Ray's head was spinning, and he could only stare, shocked, at the other man. "What the hell was that all about!?" he demanded, uncomfortably aware of the tightness of his jeans and hoping Fraser wouldn't notice.

Fraser looked at him, eyebrows quirking in deceptively mild amusement. Tracing one finger down Ray's chest, he murmured, "About? You should know..."

As much as Ray wanted the touch to continue, he struggled free and stepped back, leaning against the edge of the table. "No, I don't know! What's gotten into you?"

Momentary confusion clouded Fraser's clear blue eyes. Then his look turned dark and he pressed in closer, invading more than just Ray's personal space. When his mouth was barely inches from the lips he'd just crushed with his own, he spoke low and huskily.

"I was hoping it would be you." Then Ben flicked his tongue out and ran it down the length of Ray's cheek, stopping at the corner of his mouth before engulfing it once more with his own.

Ray felt like he couldn't breathe and he didn't want to. He just wanted to succumb to the temptation to be wrapped in Fraser's warmth and carried off to places he'd only fantasized about before now. If circumstances had been different, he would have wondered what he'd finally done right in his life to deserve this. If only...

Ray forgot to breathe, burying himself in the kiss. Allowing himself to weaken, he reached up and wrapped his arms around Fraser's neck, feeling the heat radiating from that pale, sensual flesh.

Ben pressed even closer, rubbing his crotch against Ray's hip. There was no mistaking how he felt. Ray moaned into Fraser's mouth, which only fired the Mountie further, and he leaned in more, throwing Ray off balance and practically laying him back onto the table.

The kiss ended, but the assault had just begun. Fraser's lips and tongue mapped the territory from Ray's mouth to his ear, then down to his shoulder where perfect teeth settled lightly across his flesh, nipping red marks onto the pale skin. Ray's head fell back, eyes closing as he relinquished control.

As Fraser's mouth moved back up to Ray's ear, he shifted slightly, but Ray was oblivious. His body strained against Fraser's, allowing all the need and desire he'd kept bottled up to explode in a rush of arousal that was almost painful. Bodies pressed close, Ray felt almost faint with wanting.

"That's the kind of greeting I expected, Ray. So sweet…so giving…so submissive," and with those last words, Ray felt the cold, hard bite of steel and heard the click of his cuffs as they closed around his wrist.

Too late he realized his mistake. Fraser had foxed him. Tempted and turned Ray's own ruse against him - and Ray had fallen. Hard. His instincts had failed him this time. Failed in the face of Fraser's logic, which had shown that Ray would be so stupid with desire as to let down his guard. "Goddammit, Fraser, don't do this!" Ray cursed, yanking fruitlessly at the cuff now clasped around the tableleg.

In the meantime, Ben's hands were impatiently ripping open the buttons of Ray's shirt, only to encounter a long-sleeved shirt underneath. Ray could have sworn he heard Fraser growl low in his throat.

"You don't make it easy do you?"

Ray almost laughed. //Think quick, Kowalski.// If he'd been trapped by a perp, he knew the rules. Play along until you see an opening…a weakness. He hated having to think of Fraser like that, but he knew if they were both going to get out of here alive, it would have to be that way. They'd sort it all out back in Chicago.

"It coulda been," Ray whispered, looking dead on into those killer blue eyes. He moistened his lips and pressed rebelliously hard flesh against Fraser's thigh, still leaning into him.

"Ya don't need the cuffs. I'd be happy ta give ya what'cha want."

Ray meant it too. Every word. If Fraser hadn't used the handcuffs, breaking the spell he'd woven, Ray knew he would have given it up to his partner - heart and soul...and body. He hoped some of that truth was relayed in his look. He leaned back, bracing his cuffed hand comfortably on the edge of the table to ease the strain in his shoulders.

Fraser's eyes softened just for a few seconds as he returned Ray's bold look, searching for some truth, and then he smiled the same wicked grin as before. Reaching up, he stroked Ray's face, then moved his hands down inside the shirt which now hung loosely open. When he encountered cotton beneath instead of smooth flesh, Ben frowned.

Reaching behind him, he pulled the buck knife from its sheath, the light gleaming off the smooth, wickedly sharp blade. Ray had time for a flash of panic before the icy tip slid over his torso and neatly sliced open the thermal top. He shot a look at the man standing over him, and caught his breath. Fraser looked...like a walking fantasy. He gulped, looking away. Grinning, Ben set the knife down and flipped open the two halves of the shirt, sliding them down over Ray's shoulders to bunch at his wrists, and tracing warm fingertips over the exposed nipples and ribcage. Ray gasped at the sensation, and Fraser stepped forward, spreading Ray's thighs with his own and pressing their groins together. One hand reached up to cup Ray's head, and he laid his lips on the now bared shoulder, nipping at the pale skin. Ray moaned and tilted his head back, closing his eyes under the onslaught of sensation.

Fraser sought Ray's mouth in a hungry kiss, teeth and tongue combining to ravish with a frenzied blend of tenderness and torture. Ray's hand, trapped in the cold steel of the handcuffs, twisted vainly and his body pressed eagerly towards Ben's. Pulling away with difficulty from the kiss, he shook his head, struggling to regain some measure of control, of sanity. "Frase, no, we can't, not like this-" His words cut off as his partner looked at him, a touch of cruelty in the wet, swollen lipped smile. "No?" he murmured. Ray swallowed hard, reaching for words lost in the fog of lust and fear clouding his brain, and Fraser's hand shot forward, closing vicelike over Ray's free wrist. Fraser twisted the arm behind Ray and forced his captive up onto his feet, pressed hard against his body.

He tilted his head to whisper into Ray's ear, the soft puffs of air almost more scorching than the words. "We'll do what I want, Babe, and how I fucking want it. If I want you on your knees, you'll do it. If I want you spread out on this table with your legs open and begging me to give it to you hard, you'll do it. If I want to fuck you raw, well then, you'll do it how I want it and ask for more. Got it?"

Somewhere in the dizzying dialogue, Fraser had reclaimed the knife, and Ray could feel through the shocked paralysis of desire the ticklishly light trail of the tip across his flesh. Dry mouthed, he nodded, head spinning with the astonished realization of a hundred stifled fantasies. Fantasies he'd been having for a long long time but which had only gained an edge, sharper that the knife currently tracing across the curve of his shoulder, since his first exposure to *this* Fraser. //shouldn't do this, it was wrong, whatthefuckwasgoingon but he liked it, he'd regret it, things would go wrongtheyalwaysdidfellapartfuckedupagain// and a stinging pain recalled his panicked mind and he
realized with a hurt shock that Fraser had *cut* him, had pressed the knife closer when Ray's attention had vanished into his whirling mind and had drawn a slowly dripping trickle of blood. Running his fingers through the cooling trail, Fraser brought his hand to his lips and slowly licked the traces of red from each fingertip. Ray's belly clenched at the shocking intimacy of the act, and he swallowed hard.

"You...taste good, Ray." Fraser licked his lips, a flicker of pale pink tongue stained darker red, and smiled unnervingly. Ray flinched. //What the hell had he gotten into...?// Ray looked at Ben, eyes wide with anger and a little fear...and unwilling arousal. Fraser merely smiled, flicking the knife across the room to embed itself in the wood with a quiet *thunk* that echoed through the trapped stillness of the room.

Relaxing the grip on Ray's arm, he urged him back against the table, broad fingers now soothing the wrist he'd earlier gripped with such force. His other hand reached down, efficiently dealing with the buttons of Ray's jeans. The brisk, almost impersonal movements nearly undid him, brushing and flicking against flesh gone painfully hard, and he moaned, pressing into Fraser's hand. Ben laughed, murmuring almost affectionately "...slut."

Ray didn't deny it, couldn't deny it with his head spinning and his body aching, needing Fraser's touch. The cool air of the room was a shock against heated flesh and then Ben's hand was on him, so gentle it was torture and then //ohyesfraserpleaseahh// harder, almost rough, fingers catching him in all the right places and //ohsweetjesus it figured that the Mountie was as good at this as he was at everything else...// Ray's breath hitched and he moaned, hands twisting fruitlessly in the twin cages of the handcuff and Fraser's grip. "Frase, please..."

Fraser smirked. "A 'please', even. Very nice, Ray. Very good. And all good deeds should be rewarded. You know it only takes a few extra seconds to be courteous."

Before Ray could comment on the incogruity of the statement, Fraser was moving. Reaching over, he snapped open the handcuffs, dropping them with a clatter on the floor and manouvered their bodies to face the table. A sharp tug pulled free the ruined shirts, and he tossed them aside one handed, keeping his grip on the slick swollen cock jumping between his fingers. Ray arched back against him, sighing as Ben's free hand yanked down the jeans hindering his access to Ray's body.

He was beyond shame, self conciousness, fear - the only sensation the catclysm of arousal and response currently possesing his body in the form of one Benton Fraser, demented Mountie and demon lover. The hand moved faster, and a tugging pinch at his nipple was the last firecracker, yessirree! and he was coming, howling and thrashing in his partner's arms, shaking. Ben was stroking his ass now, thick fingers slippery with Ray's own semen and he would have laughed if he'd had the breath but all he could do was spread his legs wider, mutely begging for more. And Fraser gave it to him, fingers giving way to hard blunt cock, pressing inside of him as sweetly as a kiss and setting his blood afire.

Fraser gasped and shuddered behind him, and Ray could feel the twitching in the flesh that filled him, Fraser trying not to come and Ray moved, an elegant half twist of his dancer's body and Fraser was losing it, hands clenched on his hips so tightly that Ray knew there would be bruises but he didn't care, this was Fraser, Fraser in him, Fraser wild and out of control and coming in him, ah, ah, //sweetjesus// Ray was coming again, neglected cock spasming and spraying all over the floor //ha, get that out the carpet//he though manically, and then Fraser was holding him, holding him up or maybe he was holding up Fraser, big bear arms wrapped around him and heavy weight of sweaty flesh slumped against him.

Finally, Fraser rose, pulling free of Ray's body with a sigh and easing off the condom Ray hadn't noticed him put on. Some small, responsible part of his brain was relieved. Ray shivered in the cool air, straightening against aching muscles to look at Ben. Underneath the satisfied sexual glow there was a darkness in his eyes, something that flickered briefly to the surface before vanishing again behind the newly familiar smirk. As Ray retrieved his pants from around his ankles and salvaged a blanket to wrap around his shoulders, Fraser kicked open his bedroll. Stripping off his boots and the rest of his clothes, he settled in, one bare knee propping up arm, propping up chin, and one leg tantalizingly apart. Ray had to suppress a shiver of longing at the sight. Somehow, after everything, just seeing Fraser...sprawled, like that
was the most unreal. No prim and proper Mountie here...Fraser lit a cigarette, leaning back against the wall and again patting the blanket between his legs. "Come over here."

This time, Ray didn't even hesitate.

Quickly, he covered the space between them and settled in right between those hard thighs. Ray leaned back against Fraser's chest and tried to slow the speed-of-light whirring of his thoughts, his emotions. This was *not* happening. How surreal it all was, yet Ray knew he could be content to stay here, like this...cradled against Fraser's heat, forever.

Smoke from the cigarette drifted around them, settling down over Ray like a acrid, aromatic shroud. In the half-dark, the smoke masked what he could see of Ben's face. All Ray could make out were the piercing blue eyes and the full outline of Ben's lips, still swollen from crushing kisses.

"What are ya gonna do?" he asked quietly, almost scared to breathe deeply, much less make any sort of movement that could be construed as threatening. Slowly he let his hand move to the left until it rested softly on the bare thigh next to his. He felt the muscle twitch and tighten beneath his fingers and without thinking, pressed his thumb into the flesh, rubbing gently at the knot.

"That all depends, I suppose, on you, Ray." Ray started at the words spoken so closely to his ear. Even now that voice, the new timbre of it, the low sultry danger of it, made his cock twitch. It was all he could do not to turn his head the few inches it would take to kiss the lips which spoke the words.

Despite his question, Ray didn't want to think of tomorrow. Didn't want to contemplate life outside this cabin, outside these arms. Somehow, he began rationalizing, it would all work out tomorrow. Ben would be himself again after a good night's sleep. His desperate thoughts made it easy to imagine that he truly had control of the situation. He could at least pretend tonight…if Fraser would.

"We can deal with Conway tomorrow…and Jay, too?" His voice rose on the second name with trepidation, but he had to know. "Take 'em down to local lockup or something. Then…then we can figger out you n'me."

The low rumbling chuckle vibrated erotically against Ray's back. "Jay, too. Ray. Did you honestly think I had killed him?"

No point in lying. Fraser, good or bad, could always tell. "I...wasn't sure. You were different. Not the same man I knew in Chicago." Ray almost felt ashamed for doubting Fraser, for thinking that even in the grip of some madness, he could have killed in cold blood.

Fraser's hand came up and caressed Ray's arm, the heat of his palm almost scorching the bare skin. Fraser let it linger a moment before sliding it across Ray's chest and pulling him back against him, closer than before, if that was possible. "It's ok," he said, as if soothing Ray's battered and bruised psyche. "It's enough that you came. That you are here now."

How could he trust this man who he'd seen change before his very eyes, yet...how could he not trust that familiar, comfortable voice? Ray let himself ease a bit and found that the feel of Fraser's hand on his body felt very good indeed. The blanket that Ray had draped over his shoulder was drawn away and bare back met bare chest. Ray tilted his head back, letting his head rest against Fraser's shoulder.

Several quiet minutes went by, as each man lingered in their separate thoughts. In the growing shadows Ray drifted on the edge of sleep when he was aroused, literally, by the roaming hands over his chest and the soft nipping press of teeth against his neck. Fraser dipped his head down to lightly lick the dried sweat off of Ray's shoulder, while his right hand played along the dips and ridges of Ray's ribs, across his pectorals and then straight down, following the line of dark blonde hair like a road map.

Ray sucked in a breath as strong, blunt fingers curled around his cock, rubbing the sensitized flesh through the soft denim of his jeans. Fraser had straightened out both legs now and Ray found himself trapped between firm thighs - not that he seriously entertained thoughts of trying to escape at this point.

Somewhere in his subconscious, Ray knew that he should be trying to get away, or talk Fraser into giving up, or some other worthy and noble pursuit. But his body and mind both screamed protest. He wanted this…badly. His heart seemed to be the only organ he had which knew the consequences if he continued down this path.

"No," he rasped, and was surprised to hear his voice.

"No?" There was mild amusement and that hard edge again. It made Ray ache.

"Things aren't like this between us. I don't know what you thought or where you got that idea, but I'm not…we're not…" Ray trailed off, feeling suddenly helpless and wondering why he was doing this.

Fraser sat very still behind him and his hand ceased its roaming quest, settling almost tentatively on Ray's thigh before reaching out for the cigarette pack. He shook one out, lighting it with his free hand. Ray tensed, waiting for another unpredictable outburst.

"So, babe, why don't you tell me how they are." Low whisper caressing his ear as the devil demanded an explanation.

Ray shivered, suddenly chilled.

It didn't seem possible that Fraser didn't understand what was going on or who he was or what he was, but that could be the only explanation for this...this wildly bizarre scene still unfolding in the cabin.

"Do ya know who ya are?" Ray finally ventured.

A few seconds of silence before Ben answered - "Don't know the game, but I'll play along...for now. I know that I'm Ben Fraser. According to my erstwhile, unlamented companions, I rob banks for a hobby, and you're my lover from the US."

He sounded so matter of fact that Ray had to take a moment to digest the information Ben had rattled off. He knew his own name, but Fraser'd said nothing about being a RCMP officer and he'd said he was Ray's...lover? Too freaky, too *wrong*. //If only…// Ray lost himself for a moment in wistful, wishful thoughts of Fraser, the real Fraser, as his lover…No, impossible. But that would certainly explain the way he'd been greeted...and treated. Not that Ray's dreams had treated him any better, glorious fantasies that had shamed him as much as aroused him, waking him in a cold sweat with the sheets sticky around him…

He shifted, wincing at the lingering effects of their activities. Ray didn't care. He'd wanted it just as badly, and he didn't even have the excuse of ignorance of the real situation. Desire and shame and anger still battled through his mind. He hadn't wanted it like this - with Fraser almost…possessed. Alien. But it had been incredible. Being close to Ben, having sex with him, had been something Ray had wanted for months. He'd been dreaming of Fraser for the last two weeks, dreams which had grown progressively more and more erotic. More aggressive. Dreams in which Fraser took his body as completely as he'd already taken Ray's soul. Dreams in which Fraser dominated him, sweeping Ray away in a tide of erotic fantasies that he would have never admitted in daylight. Impossible dreams, and yet…Clearly, something was wrong
with Fraser, with his mind, something which had caused the good man Ray knew to forget who he was. Ray needed to help him find himself, not feed the delusion. No matter how much he wanted to.

"Yer Benton Fraser, a Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman. A Mountie. Do ya know that?" Ray said softly, sympathy and pain eating at his soul for his friend. A friend who would hate himself for all that he had said and done.

The chest behind him rumbled again in a deep-throated, hearty laugh. "Nice touch, Ray. Is that one of your fantasies? It doesn't make any difference here. You're in my element. My rules. I would think a bright boy like you could do better than that."

"You are, Frase. I swear. We're partners, cops, only yer not a cop in Chicago cuz a some weird Canadian thing. You don't even carry a gun! I'm a Detective at the 27th Precinct. You do some boring shit at the consulate - Doesn't any of this sound familiar?" Ray was sure he was wasting his breath, but he had to try.

Fraser's arms tightened around him, pulling him back against Fraser's broad chest, and Ray could feel the warm breath on his neck and ear. "No more games, Ray. I'll win. I always win."

Fraser's hand, which had drifted unnoticed up to Ray's throat, closed on his chin. Almost gently, he pulled Ray's face towards his, covering the narrow lips in a kiss that seared all thoughts, all protests out of Ray's brain.

The kiss lasted until Ray struggled free and gasped for oxygen. Fraser didn't seem to have any diminished lung capacity, based on the easy way he inhaled the cigarette he'd still been holding in one hand. Stubbing the butt out on the dirt floor, Fraser then wrapped both arms around Ray, an anticipatory gleam in his eyes, and began a slow and steady assault on the lean body trapped in his arms.

Ray head spun with each new touch of lips and fingers. He closed his eyes and moaned when Fraser raised his hips slightly, pressing an unmistakable hardness closer against Ray's ass. He was powerless in the grip of this new, unpredictable Fraser. In the past, when impure thoughts of taking Benton Fraser in his arms and doing all sorts of un-Mountielike things to him had invaded his thoughts, he'd always managed to suppress them…kick 'em in the head and go about his business. But now…he was being given full permission, hell, encouraged to indulge his fantasies with the very object of those desires.

Ray began kissing Fraser with a passion that surprised both of them. Ray couldn't and wouldn't - didn't *want* to fight it any longer. Whatever came of this night, he'd live with…deal with. But for now the risks, the possibilities of regret and sorrow, meant nothing to him.

Fraser smiled against his lips and began the seduction in earnest. "I knew you couldn't play your little games forever, Ray." The full lips left Ray's mouth and were doing wonderfully wicked things to his neck and ear. Ray could only groan his acceptance. "I've dreamed of you…did you know that? I wanted you so badly, even when I didn't know who you were."

The puzzling words would have meant something to a Ray not so caught up in the foggy whirl of physical need, but for now he could only hold on tightly, stroking and kissing and straining against this familiar stranger.

"S'ok…I'm here now," Ray answered Ben with a slow, wet kiss, unwilling to resist the apparent answer to all his dreams.

Soon the pair had stretched out on the bedroll, legs and arms tangled into a web of pale flesh. Sometime within seconds of Ray's surrender, jeans, socks and underwear had gone the way of the blanket and they lay naked now, heated flesh pressed together in urgency and need.

Ben rolled him over, pinning him under the hot weight of his body. Of course, this Fraser would want to be on top…always. That was ok…Ray wanted it that way. The feel of Fraser's body on his, holding him down, was maddeningly good. He was so hard that he hurt, and he could feel matching hardness against his belly. Ray spread his legs slightly, one of Ben's legs slipping between his thighs and nudging up against his body. For long moments they writhed against each other, nearly overwhelmed by the
slide and press of aroused flesh. Finally, in one quick movement, Ben captured both of Ray's wrists in his hands, raising them over Ray's head and firmly forcing them down against the blanket. Fraser caught his breath at the sight, and Ray realized how he must look, laying like this. So open, so vulnerable.

Ray's moans echoed huskily through the cabin, and he stretched against the unyielding hands, offering up his body in a wordless plea for more. Fraser caught his breath, licking his lips and pushing away the nagging sense of wrongness that taunted him, just out of reach. It wasn't important. Nothing was important but giving his lover what he wanted. What he needed.

Ben released the narrow wrists and trailed his hands across the sensitive skin of Ray's arms. When warm lips fastened on one elegant collarbone, Ray gasped, and Fraser let his mouth wander over the rest of the pale torso, until Ray was beyond caring who, or what, or why. The brief swipe across his nipples, raising goosebumps in the chill air, a tongue lazily caressing along his ribcage, the steadying hand on his hip, all blended into a featureless ocean of sensation in which he willingly drowned.

He felt the breath on his cock just an instant before the scandelously hot mouth surrounded him, and he jerked in reaction. //Ohgod…//how often had *this* been his fantasy? He knew he'd burn in the hell of a thousand regrets for this, but the devil always paid his due and this was Ray's. It was worth it.

"Ohhh...oh jeezus, Fraserrrr!" he cried out, encouraging the dark head between his legs with urgent movements of his hips and hands clutching in soft waves of hair. And oh he was so good and his mouth was so talented and //ohhhhhh…//

Despite his earlier orgasms, Ray came again, and once more felt as if the world around him had shattered, leaving him in some kind of limbo. He felt Fraser wrapping his arms around him, pulling him towards the flushed Mountie. His head spun, and Ben caught him before he could fall. Ray opened his eyes and Ben's face was right *there*, coming closer and closer until all Ray could see was the red, swollen mouth, moist with his own seed. Ben licked at Ray's lips, strong tongue teasing slick sweetness across the willing mouth, and Ray could taste himself in the kiss.

Ben's kiss became hard and Ray could feel his pressure of his cock as he rubbed against Ray's thigh. When he raised his dark head, Ray saw it again. The predatory gleam. He wouldn't have been surprised at all if there had been a spark of red in them.

"What?" Ray asked, not sure at all he wanted the answer.

"We're partners aren't we? And partners should be equal." Fraser's feral smile made Ray's heart stutter in nameless anticipation, and he nodded slowly.

"Yeah…"

Ben sat up and straddled Ray, thighs neatly framing his hips, letting his cock jut out over Ray's chest enticingly. As he watched in fascination, Ben caressed himself, stroking slowly, seductively, oozing sex and lust and an undercurrent of latent menace.

A large drop of clear moisture was soon rubbed across the crown of Ben's engorged cock and Ray knew he was fixated on that sight…couldn't have looked away if someone was holding a gun to his head.

"Tell me you want it, Ray…tell me you want to taste it." How could one man have so many voices? Sound all sweet and loving one minute and so…dark the next? Ray couldn't form the words, wasn't sure he could, but when Ben's hand left his cock and moved to Ray's mouth, smearing the thick liquid across his lips, Ray knew he wanted to taste Ben more than he wanted to breathe. He wanted to swirl his tongue around that gorgeous cock just inches from his face. Wanted to suck Ben and make him come in his mouth. Some part of his mind sneered at him, mocking the weakness that would let him make such a slut of himself, and he damned it, forcing his thoughts to focus on the man kneeling above him.

Ray licked his lips where Ben's finger had been and nodded mutely, still unable to make his vocal chords work. Ben curled his hand around his cock once more and moved closer to Ray's face, until the scent of Fraser's arousal made Ray tremble with want and need.

"Tell me…say it, Ray," Ben growled.

"I want you, Fra…Ben. God, please, I want to taste you." Ray's pleas seemed to be what Ben wanted, because suddenly Ben smiled, almost sweetly, and Ray's already labored heart skipped a beat.

"Well, you can have me then…lover." Ben rose, shifting himself up until one tightly muscled leg rested on each side of Ray's head. Leaning over, he braced himself against the wall and then lowered himself down until all Ray had to do was open his mouth.

The tip touched Ray's lips, slick and tantalizing, and he greedily raised up for more. The taste and scent of Ben was driving him mad and he found himself reaching to clutch at Ben's hips, pull him down to bury himself deep in Ray's throat. But Ben would have none of that. He slowly lowered himself, a fraction of an inch at a time and Ray could see the dark head was thrown back, mouth working in soundless pleasure.

Ray let his lips caress around the hard muscle and tongued the tip until he was rewarded with a soft moan. Then he removed one hand from its frantic hold on Ben's hip and reached between the hard legs which surrounded him. The second he touched the soft sac, covered in a light dusting of dark hairs, Ben jerked and almost gagged Ray. But Ray recovered and was soon sucking lightly while scraping his nails over the loose skin hanging enticingly between the strong legs.

Ben's balls tightened and puckered as Ray continued to play and he became a bit braver. With his other hand, Ray reached back and let his fingers trail along the cleft formed by soft flesh at the end of Ben's tailbone.

"Ray…Ray…*Ray*…" his name was a litany sweeter than any song he had ever danced to.

Ben shifted, spreading his legs wider, expanding Ray's playground. Bringing his hand to the front, Ray gathered the saliva which was pooling at the base of Ben's cock and returned his fingers to their previous questing. Ben was beginning to pump his cock urgently into Ray's mouth and Ray had to use his other hand to circle the base so as not to choke. But this was still the sweetest act he had ever performed in the name of love and willed himself not to gag as the tip of Ben's cock touched the back of his throat over and over.

As he worked his fingers along the smooth crevice, he rocked one thumb back and forth against the tight muscle, finally easing inside. Ben jerked and thrust hard into his face, then cried out just before filling Ray's mouth with hot, creamy liquid.

Ray brought both hands to the front and swept them lightly over the pale skin as the intense moment passed. Ben sighed with satisfaction, laying down next to him and pulling the blanket over them both. Strong arms pulled Ray close and cradled him possessively against the larger man, and Ray harshly bit back irrevocable words. He knew that whatever came of this night, he would never forget the abandoned way Fraser had called his name…that he was needed by this man so desperately for just one
moment in time.

"I know why we're together now," Fraser said quietly, as his hand idly traced patterns across Ray's stomach and chest. Ray sucked in air with a gasp when Ben hit one particularly sensitive area, causing his partner to snort in amusement. "I don't think I'm ever going to leave you alone again."

Ray closed his eyes and willed his heart to slow. What would Fraser do when he finally, *if* he finally remembered who he was…who Ray was? It hurt Ray to think about it, but he knew this was not who Fraser was, not the man he wanted to be. The detective feared that the knowledge might well destroy the good man lost inside this stranger.

"This…isn't us, Fraser," Ray whispered against the other man's shoulder. "You *are* a Mountie…and I'm not lying," Ray quickly said, remembering the last reaction to that bit of information. "Just think about it tonight…try to remember, ok?" Ray still wasn't sure what had happened, but clearly something had happened to Fraser to destroy his memory...and change him into this stanger. Ray knew that the two criminals had probably had something to do with the robbery and the bizarre behaviour that his friend exhibited, but where Fraser had gotten the idea that the two of them were lovers was indeed a mystery. A mystery Ray was reluctant but determined to solve.

Ben lay still while Ray spoke, but his quiet reaction made the detective suspicious. What was going on behind those sleepy blue eyes? Was he really getting through?

Finally, Ben spoke, voice loud against the stillness of their bodies. "You'd better get some sleep. We'll be on the move in the morning."

Fraser's voice was its usual efficient self, yet the echo of darkness was still there. Nothing Ray had said seemed to have made any difference. Ray sighed, knowing that despite his feelings, he would have to figure out how to bring Fraser to, if not justice, at least back to himself. No matter what it took. With those thoughts preying on his mind, Ray's last thoughts before exhausted sleep claimed him took him places he wasn't sure he was ready to go. He could only wonder just how far *he'd* go to bring in *his* man.

Beside him, Ben listened to the wind as he rubbed his hand across the narrow shoulders, enjoying the warm resilience of the skin. He had known the blond man from the instant he'd walked into the cabin and seen him standing there under Conway and Jay's shaky attendance. Known him from dreams when he'd awakened sweating and hard, longing for something and someone he didn't know. He knew that this man had to be his lover. And hadn't he begged with sweet moans for Ben's touch? The lean body in his arms was as familiar as his own, and had fitted with his as perfectly as a dream.

Yet, in the beginning Ray had rejected his overtures, acted strangely and then denied their relationship. Confusion welled inside of him. Ray had told him he was actually a Canadian Mountie. An officer of the law. The thought was absurd. He would have to be some kind of lunatic to be a cop and have a hobby of robbery and assault. Especially with a couple of lowlifes like Conway and Jay. It had to be some kind of game…perhaps one they'd played back home? He wished vainly that he could remember more about his life, prior to the last two weeks. Flashes of memory, of a vast gray city, of a police station, of Ray. Ray smiling, laughing, face lit up with humor and affection. Fraser himself, putting handcuffs on Ray, surely the prelude to the enactment of some delicious fantasy?

He wouldn't even let himself believe that he and Ray were not lovers. The feel of him was too familiar. The taste of him too right. He knew they belonged together surely as he knew his own name. Didn't he? Slowly, uneasily, he drifted into sleep...

It began as abstract images, swirling into each other, chaotic and soothing at the same time. Familiar, yet surreal. Then Ben's dreams became clearer…more real than any of the ones he'd had since the 'accident'. Tonight he saw himself, with Ray again, running. Ray held a gun, which didn't seem to surprise this dreaming Ben, but then there was the wolf again and Ben knew him. The same one who'd howled mournfully in his dream the other night. The fabric of the dream ached with an underlying sadness that made his chest tighten, and he reached out, fighting against the fear and uncertainty, only to grasp a familiar hand. Ray's hand.

The dream focus seemed to center onto those two hands, touching, grasping and the flash of red was there again. The same red sleeve he remembered seeing in the first dream, a few days after he'd awakened in Conway and Jay's camp. His dreaming eye followed the sleeve up an arm to the gold and black trim of a Mountie uniform. He'd know it anywhere, anytime and he didn't know why. Couldn't know why. Didn't *want* to know…

Fighting against the surging panic in his veins, Benton Fraser shot upright, jolting himself out of sleep and staring fearful and blank eyed around the room. It was dark and cold and quiet except for the soft rise and fall of Ray's breathing at his side. Ben wasn't sure if he was still dreaming or not. He was certain his reality couldn't be this calm, this peaceful. As soon as he was able to pull himself back up to the clarity of wakefulness, he concentrated, trying to assess his situation objectively…as objectively as he could, knowing the damage that had been done.

Ray's words haunted him. "You're a Mountie…I'm a detective…we're partners…Chicago…not lovers…you're a good man...Fraser, no. We're not...." The words of the man who now lay beside him, sleeping fitfully and shivering under the insufficient blanket melded with the visions of Ben's dreams, and his muddy thoughts began to inevitably, darkly coalesce.

Ben raised one hand and touched his face, let his fingers sweep lightly across his eyes and then back down to lay still against his lips. Lips which felt swollen and slightly numb. "You're a Mountie, Fraser. A good man." Not a lawless, foul-mouthed man of the woods…not an amoral criminal who took joy in wreaking terror on others…not…not a deviant?

But he was! A sob pressed against his lips, but Ben's finger's tightened over his mouth and shoved it back down. He'd robbed a bank. Terrorized dozens of people, humiliated and taunted…destroyed and almost killed. It made no sense. He'd…liked it. Reveled in it. If he was so good, why would he have done those things? He'd had no regrets, no hesitation at the time, so why should he believe something so contrary to his behavior simply because of what this man who claimed to be his 'partner' said?

'A good man' - He was a deviant! Hadn't he taken what he wanted and enjoyed it?

Dry, anguished breath caught in Ben's throat, and all thoughts froze.

"It can't be true," his mind screamed. "I don't want it to be true," said a softer voice…deeper and already brimming over with regret. It had come from inside of him…where his heart had once been.

Ben hefted himself up and walked, naked to the window, looking out at the chill night surrounding the cabin. Frost had formed on the glass and he reached up and laid his hand, open-palmed, against its frigid surface. It felt good. Sharp. Real.

Uncomplicated.

He looked back at the sleeping figure in the deep shadows of the room and listened to his inner self. The core he instinctively knew he could trust. The kernel of his true self he should have been listening to all along.

"You are a Mountie. You are good. You have honor." Ben's fingers slid down the frozen pane of glass and he leaned forward, his throbbing forehead resting against the window, hands braced on the sill. Had been. Had been good, honorable. Now…

A sobbing moan escaped his lips and he didn't try to stop it this time. The robbery, the men he'd so blindly believed…inexcusable. The people he had hurt…there was no justification possible for his defense. His memory was sketchy yet…but he knew one thing more certain than anything. Ray had told the truth. About everything…

They would go in tomorrow and he would face the authorities. Let Ray take him in, handcuffed and under arrest, as was right. Whatever his sentence, whatever the price he had to pay for the last two weeks…it would not be enough in Ben Fraser's mind. Never enough. For no matter how the courts chose to deal with his actions, Ben had lost more than his memory as a result of this trip home. He'd lost Ray.

In an unconscious act of habit, Ben reached down and picked up the pack of cigarettes he'd dropped to the floor when he and Ray…when he had - With shaking hands, he lit one and tossed the rest on the table. The table he'd cuffed Ray to and taken…more than any man had a right to take.

...'Fraser, no. We're not...'

The remembered words bit deeply into his soul, lashing him with self loathing. Drawing deeply on the cigarette, seeking the false solace of the smoke, Ben forced his mind to travel the path it was so fearful of facing. His past. His life - his real life. He could recall working with Ray, being truly partners and friends. He remembered laughing at some shared joke, and unquestioning support at moments too painful to express in words. Ray's understanding of him, his acceptance. It had been an odd partnership that, for him, had gradually and inevitably shifted to an unspoken love. A love that had never been reciprocated in more than friendship. And he, he had...Fraser felt almost physically sick, recalling the things he had done to Ray. Things he had forced upon Ray, a corruption of their friendship, their partnership that no
atonement would ever acquit.

Ben cursed himself, silently, as he stared out at the frozen landscape. Any hope of ever realizing that love had been lost when he'd taken Ray against his will tonight. There was no defense, no justification that would change the look of betrayal and hate Ben knew he would see in Ray's eyes when he awoke.

It had been rape, in its most elemental form. Not only once, but twice he had forced himself on his partner, taking pleasure from Ray and betraying his friends body into a perverted enjoyment of something Ray would undoubtedly find repugnant in the light of day. A harsh laugh burned in his throat, but Ben quelled it with another draw on the cigarette. All his life he'd prided himself on being the best he could be. Doing the right thing, being the leader when required, and following without question when that was appropriate. He was a model Mountie and, at least to the outside world, a perfect man. Even the Devil had been an angel before he fell…

And wouldn't it just be the height of irony that he would turn out to be just as perfectly bad. That he would know just what to do to make Ray respond against his will. That he would know the most perfect words to utter in Ray's ear just before ruthlessly taking what he wanted with no thought for Ray's wishes.

The feel of Ray's flesh under Ben's fingers as he gripped him, fingers bruising pale arms in a vice grip against his chest. Ray's words of protest drowned in the darkness of his mouth as he kissed him. It should have been so sweet. It should have been mutual. But it had been rape.

He'd even cut Ray with his knife and the thought made Ben shudder. He ached to turn back to the floor where Ray lay now, sprawled under a blanket. He looked so open, so trusting in the washed out moonlight. As if the events of the last two weeks had never occurred. As if he were safe with Ben. Fraser looked away. Perhaps Ray merely felt that Fraser could do nothing more to hurt him, after this horrible evening. Ben wanted to hold him, not with lust and violence, but with tenderness and love. To gently kiss the spot where his knife had sliced and soothe the pain of Ray's body that had been all his doing. He didn't deserve to. Not now…not ever.

That last thought nearly choked him with regret, and Ben bit his lip fiercely. Looking up, the frigid brilliance of the stars mocked him. No chance for love and the rest of his life for regrets.

When his fingers were like icicles and his feet numb with the cold, Fraser finally turned from the window and returned to his position on the bedroll at Ray's side. He should get dressed, cover the flesh that now felt dirtied and shamed. He should spare Ray having to look at any more of him than necessary, looks Fraser knew would burn with a weight of unexpressed anger. Rising, he pulled on pants, shirt, socks, everything but boots and coat. Everything smelled of smoke, and he found the smell both nauseating and obscurely comforting. He sat, tucking his feet under the far edge of the blanket, and drew his knees against his chest.

With a heavy sigh, Ben rested his arms on his knees and his chin on his arms. He gazed down at Ray, his narrow features smoothed and peaceful in sleep. Ray looked oddly innocent in the stark moonlight, no trace of the fear and anger he was surely feeling. All the frenetic energy was stilled, here, lost in the dreaming world. "And what do you dream of tonight?" he whispered, reaching down to pull the blanket higher around the sleeping figure. Ray's lashes seemed inordinately long as they shadowed across his cheeks and Ben dammed himself again, knowing that he would never be allowed…did not even have the right to dream of kissing that face again. With a jerk, he drew his hand back, determined not to touch Ray, not to cause him any more distress, however unintentional.

//Ben, you fool. You bastard. How the hell could you do that, to your own partner, a man who trusted you?// How could he indeed? It had been quite simple actually. That was the part which frightened him beyond all else. It had been easy to be bad. So appallingly easy. As if part of him had...wanted it. Needed it. As if, in the balance, he were no better than the criminals he condemned.

Ben embraced the feelings of guilt and shame, embedding them in his very soul. They were his now, to keep in the recesses of his heart where Duty and Honor had once stood proud. His to live with, every day. Sleep with, every night. Wear unflinchingly against the face of a world that expected the best from him, because of who he was. No redemption could be possible without them and even then, he doubted he could forgive himself. He dare not ask Ray to forgive him. It all had to do with rights and privileges, things he gave up when he'd destroyed their friendship and Ray's trust.

Dry eyed, he sat next to his sleeping partner, watching over him until the morning came and he could do what was right.

Ray stirred at the noise nearby, jerking away as he realized it was *very* close. Right next to him. In the dark of the cabin, he groped out and found Ben's arm, shaking with suppressed tremors.

"Frase? What izzit? What's wrong?" Ray's other arm came around in an automatic response to his concern and he held Fraser, who still had not spoken. "Ben?"

"Ray-" The voice sounded detached and strangled and Ray searched the darkness until his eyes adjusted enough to make out the silhouette of Fraser's head, resting on one drawn up knee. His eyes were shut tightly.

"What? A dream? Do you remember anything?" It seemed likely that lost memories might first return in the form of dreams and Ray hoped and prayed that what he'd said earlier might be having some effect on Fraser's subconscious.

"Yes, Ray. I remember...everything."

Ray sat up, pulling away to lean against the weathered planks of the wall. The wood was cold and smooth against his skin, anchoring him. His thoughts whirled, and he tried to answer calmly, belying the lingering emotions in his heart.

"I'm a member of the RCMP, a Mountie. An officer of the law." It was as if Ben didn't want to believe any of this.

"Yes," he whispered.

Fraser seemed to crumple in on himself, the loss of self confidence changing him shockingly. Ray fumbled for the blanket, suddenly selfconscious about his nudity, wrapping it around his shoulders and leaning closer to see Fraser's face.

How ironic, the way the tables had turned. Ray was now in control, Ray had the power, and he found, to his amazement, that he wished it were still the other way around. This Fraser he wasn't sure he could deal with. This lost man who would have these demons to face for the rest of his life. He knew that it wasn't Fraser's fault, that he'd been injured, confused, misled. He could forgive him. He wasn't sure Fraser would ever be able to forgive himself.

But the fact that he was a Mountie who had committed numerous crimes didn't seem to be the most important thing to Ben. Ray felt his shoulders shaking and realized Ben was crying, harsh, stifled sobs that wracked his body. "What I did to you…sorry, so sorry..." the broken voice trailed off into cold darkness and Ray realized some wounds would be very long indeed in healing.

Ray shifted uneasily. Seeing Fraser like this, seeing him…broken, was grotesque. Despite his still churning emotions, Ray tried to soothe him. "We'll work through it…we're partners, remember?" Ray tried to sound more optimistic than the felt, although he knew what must be going through Fraser's mind right now. He knew the Mountie as well as anyone, he guessed, and the things Fraser had done over the past couple of weeks were as beyond his ken as anything Ray could imagine.

Ben stood abruptly, pulling out of Ray's arms and almost fleeing to the window. Ray watched in silence as the shadowed figure stared out into the frozen night. When Fraser finally spoke, his voice was flat and expressionless, addressing the trees and animals outside, rather than turning back to Ray. "I will, of course, go back with you tomorrow and surrender to the authorities. I do not expect you to remain in Canada while I face charges…or wait for me…" It tore at Ray's heart as Ben's voice broke and he could feel his friend struggling to regain control. "…or wait for me in Chicago. I'm sure the Consulate will ship any of my personal belongings to…my confinement. Will you...can you, bring yourself to" he swallowed back tears, steadying his voice with an effort, " to take care of Diefenbaker? I'm sure he will be no trouble."

Stoic, steady Fraser, even unto his own imprisonment, practical and forthright to the end. Ray wanted to shake him. "We, we can explain all this, Frase. We'll figure out exactly what happened, we'll explain that you didn't know who you were…what you are." It all seemed so simple. Ray ground his teeth in frustration. Nothing with Benton Fraser was ever simple.

Fraser was shaking his head, leaning into the window with his one hand bracing on the sill. "Ray, there is no excuse, no explanation that is good enough for…the wrong I've done. The people I've hurt. Indefensible. Memory loss is not justification for robbery…" his voice dropped lower yet and Ray wasn't sure he heard correctly. "For rape…"

"Frase -" Ray moved towards his friend, only to jerk back in shock as Fraser turned away from him, pacing back and forth across the cabin.

"Don't! Please…don't touch me, Ray. I don't want your sympathy - or your pity. I don't deserve it." Fraser turned, the anguish on his face plain in the moonlight. "Why don't you hate me?" The words were almost a cry, a bitter demand in the freezing air. Ray could only shake his head, eyes wide and hurting. "Frase, Fraser…I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you. I…" Ray's eyes barely caught the flash of light along the barrel of his gun as Ben lifted it from the table, and an icy speculation pierced his heart as he leaped forward.

"Fraser!"

Ben jerked, and his shoulder slumped. Eyes as blank and black as the windows framing the frozen wilderness outside, he handed the gun to Ray.

"You...should keep this. As a police officer..."

Ray cut in. "Hey, this is Canada...I'm only...I'm Ray. Your...friend. Your...lover."

Fracer winced at the words, shooting an anguished blue gaze at Ray. "No! I can't...I won't accept that from you. I don't deserve it."

"Fraser..." The words were almost a sigh, a measure of feeling that surprised both men.

"We'll...figger this out. Somehow. I won't leave ya - and I won't lose ya, Frase."

Ben stiffened, turning to face Ray.

"Ray..." A tiny thread of hope laced the dead tone.

"Frase. C'mon back to bed. It's cold, it's late, an'...we can talk in the morning. Ok?"

Ray reached out, resting one hand on the shaking shoulder, and urged Fraser towards the makeshift bed. They could figure it out in the morning. It would be clearer
then...wouldn't it?

He could only hope.

To be continued and concluded in part 3...coming soon...