Meghan Black, c. 1999
Disclaimer under duress: Due South belongs to Alliance, not me. I freely acknowledge that. I also freely play with their characters, namely Benton Fraser, Ray Kawolski and Diefenbaker the Wonder Wolf whenever I get a chance.
Author's Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't swing both Rays. But, I don't hold it against anyone who does. <g> This one only rated R in my opinion for mild depiction of m/m bonding of the sweaty kind (Hey they're just getting started.) I shouldn't have to tell you if you are a minor in your state or this concept offends your delicate sensibilities, hit the BACK button now.
Most heartfelt thanks to AnneZo (Queen of POV) and Kellie Matthews for beta reading. The story is much improved for their participation. Comments are gratefully accepted at meghanblack@earthling.net. Please do not archive without author's permission.
Summary: Two boys and a dog...some angst & h/c out the wazoo.
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He wanted to do *something*. The first thought that came to mind was mouth to mouth resuscitation, but the wolf in his lap was panting hard and fast, so that probably was not necessary. What else could he do? Try as he might, Benton Fraser could not think of what treatment was needed for canine chocolate toxicity.
It took the abrupt jerking of breaks applied along with a neck wrenching swerve to make the Mountie look up from the subject of his deep concern. It didn't even occur to him to chastise the driver.
A moment later, Fraser and the wolf in the back seat were practically thrown to the other side of the car when liberal use of brakes and steering wheel were applied for a U-turn in the middle of the busy Chicago thoroughfare. Fraser looked up curiously after reseating himself and saw a sign for the Uptown Emergency Animal Hospital. Relief coursed through him that they'd made it in time...or had they? The feeling of helplessness was preempted only by the sharp pain he felt somewhere in the vicinity of his heart each time he let himself think of Diefenbaker, longtime companion and friend, never gracing his life again.
"He's going to be ok, right Frase?" The red-clad Mountie didn't answer. He was too caught up in the fear that he was about to lose the one and only living thing in the world who accepted him totally and completely as he was. Who didn't tease him mercilessly about word usage, the methods he employed to do his job...the dedication he felt.
Ray's black GTO bounced wildly over the curb as the shriek of protesting rubber announced their arrival at the clinic. Fraser immediately jumped into action.
"We're here," Ray proclaimed uselessly. "You got him?" Fraser's partner's usually excited voice registered even higher with the adrenaline rush he must be feeling. Ray had been as anxious as Fraser to get Dief to help as soon as possible. He was vaguely aware of the driver jumping out of the car and running around to open the passenger door. Fraser slid out of the back seat where he'd been cradling the head of the wolf for the last fifteen minutes as they had made their mad race against time. He leaned back through the door to pull Diefenbaker out.
"I have Dief if you will please get the door," Fraser said, then hefted Dief out of the car and cradled him like a baby. The wolf was unconscious and appeared dead to the casual observer. Totally limp and breathing shallowly, Diefenbaker was oblivious to the concern surrounding him.
"Hang in there boy. We are not going to let you die. *I* will not let you die," the Mountie spoke softly...reassuringly. He knew he spoke as much to ease his own fears as to comfort the unhearing canine.
"You're damned right he's not going to die," Ray said fiercely, yanking on the glass door, which in turn set off the buzzer broadcasting their presence. Fraser moved easily inside the door to the cool, dim interior while Ray strode up to the desk and began systematically plugging away at the bell until a white coated receptionist hurried from the back room, frowning.
"Yes sir, we hear you. What is the matter?"
Despite the gravity of the situation, Fraser hid a small smile of gratitude at his partner's anxiousness. It was soon replaced by growing disapproval when he felt Ray's attitude began to border on rudeness. Not only was it impolite to act in such a rash manner, but Fraser sincerely doubted that discourtesy was the best way to secure the attendant's cooperation.
"What's the matter?! What's the matter?!" Ray's voice steadily rose until he noticed Fraser's frown. This was after all a hospital. Ray continued in a more subdued manner. "We have a dying wolf over here is the matter," the tall, slender man continued, jabbing in the air toward Fraser standing in the middle of the room patiently awaiting instructions. Dief was still held closely against him. "Where's the doctor?" Ray demanded, his voice growing louder again. Fraser knew he was probably *trying* to be civilized.
"Look I'm sorry," Ray backpedaled. "He got into some chocolate and that's poison to dogs, right?" He looked at Fraser as if seeking confirmation. The Mountie nodded silently, shifting Dief's body in his grasp. Fraser was looking front and center, as if the sight of his wolf dying in his arms was too much to bear.
"How much has he had?" the young woman asked efficiently, moving in to pull a closed lid back from Dief's golden eyes. She peered closely at his pupils while awaiting the answer.
"Approximately 3.7 lbs. of candy," came the succinct reply. The nurse looked up at Fraser for the first time and he knew she could see all the fear he felt. Despite his somewhat clinical explanation of events, the Mountie had more than a passing concern for the animal's welfare. "I'm not sure of the exact time of ingestion, but it had to be in the last two hours," Fraser continued, trying very hard not to let the full extent of his anxiety show while he was needed to help explain the situation.
The woman turned and motioned them to follow. "Bring him in the back and I'll tell the doctor. She's just finishing up a suture job." She disappeared through a swinging door, closely followed by Fraser supporting the dead weight of the limp wolf and Ray bringing up the rear.
Fraser hovered on the perimeter of the bright pool of light, his respect for all professionals keeping him out of the way. But every fiber of his being screamed for him to go to the wolf. To touch him reassuringly and hold him until he was safe. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the figure of Ray Kowalski, the closest thing he had in Chicago to a human friend. The man was standing quietly in the corner and Fraser suspected he feared being thrown out of the room if he caused any more disturbances.
Fraser looked back at his beloved pet...no, more than a pet. How could he have thought that? Dief was Fraser's friend and his charge...an individual entity in his own right, true, but still under the Mountie's protection. The heavy weight of failure almost brought him to his knees. He took full responsibility for what had happened, even though he'd been nowhere near Dief when the incident had occurred.
Today was Valentine's day, but it was business as usual at the 27th. The only indicator of the holiday was a huge 5 lb. box of chocolates provided by Ray. Ray made light of the candies, but Fraser knew he had brought them to Francesca since the aide did not have a boyfriend to provide them on this most romantic of days. After taking out a few for herself, Francesca laid the open box on her desk, easy access for anyone who chose to help themselves.
Then Fraser and Ray got busy at the computer, looking up profiles as they researched the string of auto thefts, and lost track of all time. When they were done, Fraser noticed that it was growing dark outside and most of the squad room was empty. That was when he found Dief.
Ray was in the lunchroom for more coffee and the Mountie stood to stretch his back muscles, somewhat stiff from sitting in front of the computer most of the day. As he let his eyes scan the quiet room, the sight of Dief, lying quietly underneath a visitor's bench caught his eye. There was something strange about the way the wolf lay on his side, unmoving and totally unalert.
"Dief?" Fraser said loudly, once more ignoring the fact that Dief was deaf as a doornail. He walked quickly over to the bench and squatted down to look underneath. Fraser poked lightly at the wolf to wake him, but got no response. That's when he began to worry.
Awkwardly he pulled Dief out from under the bench and saw the telltale smears of chocolate on the wolf's muzzle. Fraser quelled the panic that threatened to engulf him. He had to remain calm...for Dief. As he yelled out Ray's name, unwilling to leave Dief for even the few seconds it would take to find his partner, Fraser watched with growing alarm as the wolf lay perfectly still, the victim of a theobromine-induced coma. Fraser was familiar with the results...and the cause of such a state. It was common knowledge that chocolate could be a fatal poison to all canines.
Where was Ray? He yelled again, this time unable to hide the fear in his voice.
As soon as Ray found them it was a mad rush to the emergency clinic where they now stood watch helplessly as the doctor tried to save Dief's life.
Fraser observed the animal closely for any sign that he was coming out of it, but the gray and white blanket of fur still lay motionless, with the exception of the gentle rise and fall of his now shallow breathing. When had the heavy panting become subdued? He itched to hold the wolf.
"Come on Dief, buddy. For his sake, hang in there," he heard Ray mumble under his breath. Only Fraser's acute hearing allowed the luxury of eavesdropping on Ray's comment. He found it somewhat surprising that Ray would seem so...upset, but was reminded of Ray's anxiety, which matched his own, in the car earlier.
Dr. Elizabeth Rowley worked quickly and efficiently. After her initial examination of Dief, she gave orders in soft, clipped tones. Her voice relayed a confidence that the directions would be filled just as quickly as she'd dispensed them. And they were. As Fraser watched the movements of the staff in the room, he began to hope...no believe that Dief would recover fully. Surely a hospital run so smoothly...so capably could pull him through this.
While he watched closely, observing the doctor's every move, he saw Ray turn away quickly as she began working a plastic tube into the wolf's mouth and down his throat. He knew of Ray's reluctance to observe the less...pretty side of sickness and death from their time in the morgue with Mort. For himself, Fraser was prepared to watch *all* the measures being taken to save Dief's life. He'd known it would be necessary to force Dief to regurgitate, but as the wolf had been unconscious when they'd found him, he had not been able to do it himself.
Fraser glanced once more at Ray and saw that his partner was now watching him with a strange expression. The Mountie tasted the tangy salt of his own blood and realized with a start that he'd chewed his bottom lip until it was bleeding. He stopped the exercise in frustration and nodded at Ray before turning back to the table. Try as he might, all of his training and discipline could not prevent Fraser from inching toward the exam table. His efforts were rewarded with a stern look from the veterinarian, which promptly caused him to shuffle back to his assigned post behind the capable animal doctor and her assistants.
"The doctor is now placing a tube down your throat, Dief. Don't fight her, boy," Fraser began a commentary of the procedures used by the vet. It didn't matter that the wolf was totally oblivious to his words, being not only deaf but also comatose.
Dr. Rowley took up the narrative for Fraser's benefit as she worked over Diefenbaker. "Dief," she began, having picked up the dog's name from Fraser's words, "your breathing is still labored and your heart rate is too high, but I don't see any sign of seizures, which you would have had by now and that's a good sign." Fraser rewarded her thoughtfulness with a smile she returned before continuing with the treatment.
The tube was in place now and the doctor began pouring something through it, which Fraser surmised was meant to induce vomiting since that was the end result. He stepped back reflexively when the wolf heaved several times before producing a prodigious amount of brown goo onto the table and floor, with some actually landing in the pan Dr. Rowley's assistant had been holding for that purpose.
"Good boy, Dief...good boy," he praised the mostly empty wolf. It seemed a very inane and slightly ridiculous thing to say under the circumstances, but talking at least kept his mind partially occupied.
"That's good huh?" Ray asked out loud. Fraser looked at him and barely nodded as the doctor answered. "Yes, that's what we wanted. Now we just need to administer the charcoal slurry to reduce absorption...and wait."
Waiting didn't seem to be on Ray's agenda, Fraser observed, based on his loud protest. "That's it? You make him puke and then sit back and wait? We could have done that!" His hands waved and pointed at Dief while the vet calmly began removing the tube and checking the wolf's heart rate again, making a great show of ignoring Ray's outburst.
Fraser frowned slightly, walking over to his friend. "It's ok Ray. Chocolate toxicity is only lethal if not treated by proper medical personnel and the doctor is trying to tell us that we got him here in time...I believe," he said, looking hopefully at the vet who was now placing an oxygen mask over the furry muzzle of her patient.
She looked up at Fraser's words, responding to him in a way she'd refused to do for Ray. "I wish I could tell you that, Constable," she said, eyeing his uniform. "But, all I can say is that the next four to six hours will tell for sure. We were able to get most of it up, it appears, but considerable damage had already been done as was evident by his comatose state. All I'm saying now is that we've done all we can do medically, and the rest...," she turned back to Dief and patted his side which *seemed* to be moving a bit more, "...the rest is up to him." Dr. Rowley sent Fraser a sympathetic smile, all professional and warm. "You did the right thing by getting him here so quickly, however, and that is on his side."
The next half hour was spent getting Dief settled into one of the large floor level kennels. Fraser barely noticed two other emergencies going on around them as he and Ray were allowed to remain in the back with Dief. It had been 8 p.m. when they had arrived and as the time grew later, the clinic seemed to settle into a peaceful quiet as the doctor and one assistant at the front were the hospital's only other human occupants.
The veterinarian had made a feeble attempt to get Fraser and Ray to go home and rest while Dief stayed under their watch, but she realized very quickly how futile her efforts were and ceased her suggestion.
"Thank you, kindly Doctor Rowley, but I cannot leave his side at this time," Fraser had explained formally and the doctor had smiled and nodded before returning to her office to complete some reports.
Fraser fussed over Dief, arranging some towels the nurse had kindly provided. She'd smiled at him in a way that had brought the color to his cheeks, making Ray chuckle softly to himself. For the life of him, Fraser could not understand this reaction from the women he'd come into contact with.
Once Fraser felt the wolf properly attended to, he settled himself outside the cage on the hard, cold tile floor as there were no chairs taking up precious room in the exam/kennel portion of the clinic.
Ray found a couple of blankets stashed in a corner and threw them down on the floor. Fraser folded them carefully and neatly, earning him a pair of eyes rolled heavenward from Ray. To make his point, Ray unfolded his, bunched it into a nice fat wad and sat down heavily.
"So our butts don't go to sleep too soon," Ray said, smiling crookedly, trying to lighten the mood. Fraser sensed his partner's need to feel as if he were helping and smiled back.
"Thank you, Ray." Fraser moved carefully over the blanket before lowing his body down onto the padding. Long moments of silence ensued. Fraser felt he should be better company for Ray, but couldn't bring himself to be the usual verbose companion Ray had come to expect. He searched for some story to pass the time, an experience he could share with Ray to help take their minds off the limp, motionless figure of Diefenbaker, but couldn't even think of an appropriate tale from his childhood.
"You know you don't have to stay, Ray. The doctor told us that it may be hours before Dief wakes up." He refused to even hint at the possibility that Dief would not awake. Ray nodded...a sign Fraser took as agreement that his presence was not necessary.
"Well then...I will see you tomorrow. Once again, thank you.from both of us..." Fraser began, but Ray stopped him with a hand held up, palm out.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa...wait a minute," Ray said, shaking his head back and forth. "Who said I was goin' anywhere?" Ray scooted around so he faced Fraser. The Mountie looked at him closely, confused by Ray's words.
"But, I thought...you really don't need to stay, Ray. I just need to sit here with him, but I know that everything that can be done has already been taken care of by the doctor. I hope you understand...I just need to stay," he repeated, almost to himself.
"I understand totally, Doofus. I need to stay too," Ray stated firmly. "It's my fault he's here and I wouldn't blame you a bit if you wanted to belt me one for leaving that chocolate out on Frannie's desk."
"Ray."
"I mean what was I thinking? "
"Ray."
"Just cause she hinted that she never got a Valentine or nothin'..."
"Ray."
The detective continued his torrent of excuses. "I mean who needs a five pound box of..."
"Ray!"
Finally Ray stopped the eruption, blinked and looked in Fraser's eyes. "God, I'm sorry Frase. I never meant to hurt him." Was that a crack in the usually cocky voice of his partner?
Fraser reached out and put his hand on Ray's forearm reassuringly. "It's all right Ray. I don't blame you at all. Diefenbaker is a grown wolf. He knows better than to ingest chocolate...Lord knows I've explained it to him enough," Fraser said. He didn't care how obvious it must be that he was trying to make light of the life threatening situation Dief had put himself in. "It is perfectly fine, really. Please don't do this to yourself." Fraser squeezed Ray's arm one more time, then pulled his own hand back into his lap and looked over at the subject under discussion.
Dief still lay so still...too still, but at least he was alive. The doctor had warned that he might wake up and begin vomiting again, but so far all had been quiet. Silence descended on the room and Fraser continued to watch the wolf, lost in his own thoughts. He assumed Ray was off woolgathering himself, since the detective seemed fixated on the steady drip of the IV connected to Dief's front leg. The room was dim, as all the other animals, one cat and another dog with a bandage wrapped around his middle, were sleeping peacefully.
Fraser didn't care about the sadness that he knew must be showing on his face. He could feel tight lines of strain etched around his mouth and he was tired of acting like he knew everything would be just find and dandy. He'd tried to be optimistic and still was...to a degree. But it had been over two hours already and Dief had shown no change. Life could never be the same if anything happened to the wolf. He knew, in a logical part of his brain that Dief would not be around forever, would probably die long before Fraser, but when hit with the reality of losing him, the Mountie's mind recoiled in horror, scrambling back to the safety of his belief that everything would work out.
Then he felt Ray reach out, his hand barely touching Fraser's arm...almost tentatively offering his support. Fraser had no idea how Ray must be feeling about all this...besides the guilt. They both seemed to share equally in that department. He found it somewhat surprising that his partner had stayed. But it had been a pleasant surprise. He was, of course, aware that Ray and Dief had formed some strange bond which he did not fully understand, but the fact that Ray seemed just as upset as Fraser gave the Mountie a warm, reassuring feeling inside.
"It'll be ok, Frase. Dief is strong and stubborn. The fact that he's still alive after eating all that chocolate is proof, right?" Fraser knew full well that his partner's words were meant to reassure them both. "And..." Ray paused. Fraser looked at his partner directly. "...you aren't alone ya know? I'm here and we're gonna see this through together. We'll both be here when Dief wakes up." Fraser watched as Ray dragged his gaze from the where they made contact, back up to the Mountie's face.
Fraser stared at his friend and their eyes locked in silent understanding. He could see his own overly bright eyes mirrored in Ray's blue-gray ones. Fraser could feel the pressure of unshed tears and knew that he had never let another human being see him so emotionally overwrought. It made him extremely self-conscious. And from the look in Ray's eyes, he'd upset him also.
"Hey Frase, come'n. You know Dief wouldn't leave you to fend for yourself in Chicago." Ray bounced a fist off Fraser's arm lightly. "Besides, he'll pull out of it just to get all the sympathy you know Frannie'll shower on 'im." It was so obvious that Ray was trying to take Fraser's mind off of death, and despite the morbid turn his brain had taken, the Mountie knew it was working.
Fraser was surprised to feel himself actually smiling at Ray's weak attempt at humor and Ray's own crooked smile showed relief. Finally giving into the need to express his true feelings...his true fears, Fraser clasped Ray's arm warmly but firmly. "You know Ray, I always thought of Dief and myself as being alone here in Chicago. We've made friends, true, even close ones," he said, referring to the "real" Ray Vecchio. "But, not until this moment have I felt that there was someone else in this city who I.." Fraser halted, his lips parted slightly as he searched for the right words. He finally pressed his lips together and shook his head. Benton Fraser wasn't used to not having the right words to express himself well. "I don't know. Over the last few weeks, it has become as if we...you and I...are more than partners...more than friends." The words sounded strange even to him. He knew he wasn't making sense and that just frustrated him more. "I suppose what I am trying to convey, Ray, is a sense of gratitude for your presence and...the bond we share."
Fraser finished and jerked his head to one side, causing an audible cracking sound from his neck, before turning back to the cage where Dief lay. Fraser could feel Ray watching him closely and combed a hand nervously through his hair before lowering it to brush the tips of his fingers lightly across an eyebrow. How did one convey the sense of wonder at finding another who can share everything? For in this instance, when Fraser felt the most alone...almost lost without Dief bouncing by his side...Ray had shown himself to be almost a part of him. Yes, Fraser now knew they were more than partners. That kernel of knowledge began to spread through Fraser like a warm, soft glow. It made him feel safe and best of all...not alone. He just hoped he had been able to convey his feelings properly to the man sitting by his side.
Fraser assumed the high color in Ray's neck and face was due to the intense fashion in which he'd expressed himself. He hoped the sentiments he'd tried to explain were not unwelcome and suddenly began to worry that he'd presumed too far with his friend. That he had alienated this man who had come to mean so much to him.
"You don't have to thank me, Fraser. Geezus. I mean I'm here for ya, ya know? It's what friends do." Ray squirmed on the blanket and seemed to be a bit uncomfortable with the emotions and feelings attached to Fraser's words. His mouth moved in some sort of mock wince, which Fraser had noticed usually indicated nervousness or uncertainty. However he must not have found the situation too much of a burden, because a few seconds later, Ray's hand lay over Fraser's. It felt warm and comforting and Fraser was grateful for its presence. The pair remained in that position while the minutes and hours ticked away.
They passed time in silent vigilance for Dief to come around. No other mention was made of gratitude and the bonds of friendship. It was enough that they shared the long hours of watching the wolf, hoping for some sign that he would recover.
Around midnight Fraser was roused from his thoughts by a soft whimper. He was immediately on his knees, unlatching the heavy wire door to Dief's kennel. He sensed Ray by his side, alert and ready to do his bidding, but allowing Fraser to tend to the wolf alone.
"Dief. Dief. Dief. Dief." Fraser said the wolf's name over and over, hoping for another response. "Dief." Something to show that he was awake and aware. "Dief." A long, furry tail thumped once on the metal floor of the cage.
"I'll go get the doctor," Ray volunteered and rose stiffly to his feet. Fraser knew he was stiff and sore himself from sitting long hours in one position, but for now, physical sensations were lost in the real joy he felt at the surety that Dief would be all right.
When Ray and Dr. Rowley returned, Fraser was *inside* Dief's cage with the wolf's head in his lap, looking anxiously up at the woman in the white jacket. "I think he's coming around, but I am not getting a great deal of response." Dief chose that moment to regurgitate the remainder of the chocolate, leaving a large, slimy mess across the thigh of Fraser's black jodhpurs. It was with somewhat of a start that he realized he still had his dress red uniform on. The normally fastidious Mountie did a mental shrug. To him, the sticky slime with which Diefenbaker had graced him was manna from heaven. Ray made a face, although Fraser noticed he tried to hide it before turning to pick up their blankets from the floor.
The doctor kneeled in front of the open door and reached in. She brought her stethoscope out and listened quietly for a long moment. Sitting back on her heels, she smiled at Fraser. "I think he's going to be just fine. His heart is almost slowed to its normal rate and his pulse is steady and strong." She laid a hand on Dief's head and stroked it down his neck. "He's a very lucky animal."
Dr. Rowley stood up and went out to give her assistant instructions for further care, while Ray just stood there grinning stupidly at Fraser and Dief on the floor. "That is *so* cool, Fraser!" he said, and Fraser thought he would begin dancing in place with happiness. Once more the Mountie was reminded of the way Ray had stayed with him through this ordeal, no doubt as much for himself as for the wolf.
"Yes, Ray. It is good news indeed," Fraser said, ruffling the wolf's coat then burying his face deep into the thick neck fur. He knew the tears were flowing freely now, but this time they were tears of relief and happiness.
Fraser finally came out of the kennel when the doctor and assistant returned to change the IV bag of saline to which Dief had been connected and resettle him for a more natural sleep. "His body still needs to recover from the shock and strain of the poison," she'd explained before closing the door softly behind her to, leaving the men to return to their vigil. This one, however, not so solemn.
The Mountie reassured himself that Dief was indeed settled for a nice, long rest. He felt rather than saw Ray move behind him, standing patiently, waiting. When he was satisfied that his companion was comfortable, Fraser stood and turned to face Ray.
As freely as he had let Ray view his pain earlier, Fraser now allowed the other man to glimpse the pure joy he could not contain.
"Ray, he's truly going to be fine!" he exclaimed, feeling somewhat giddy with relief.
His wide smile of relief and happiness was apparently contagious, because Ray smiled, then laughed. They moved toward each other naturally, and before he even realized what he was doing, Fraser had taken Ray's face in his hands, fingers splayed across stubbly cheeks, and was kissing him...soundly. And what was even more surprising was that Ray was kissing him back...soundly.
Somewhere deep down inside, deeper than the giddiness, Fraser found this amazing. Amazing and...arousing. Later it would occur to him, when he was back to being the logical, "always on duty" Mountie, that the situation must have arisen due to endorphin rushes and the aftermath of a crisis situation. But none of that mattered to the man who could not stop his body from reacting to the close proximity of his partner and friend. His hips needed to be pressed against Ray's. His hands needed to pull Ray close to him. His mouth needed to cover Ray's until he couldn't breathe.
Fraser was gratified to feel a similar response from the man in his arms. The weight of Ray's arms on his shoulders as they wrapped about his neck felt natural and right. And as Fraser's tongue requested and was granted permission into the warm recesses of Ray's mouth, a mouth that felt much softer than he'd expected, the kiss deepened. Ray was sucking all the residual fear and pain right out of him. Fraser pulled him even closer...so close that their bodies were now in total contact, hips to lips, as he pulled his mouth away from Ray's long enough to sigh in contentment. The experience seemed to be affecting his partner in equal measure if the bulge against his thigh was any indication.
Then Fraser slowly pulled back, afraid that any sudden movement would either shatter the moment or send Ray fleeing out the door.. The kiss had lasted the space of time it had taken the "always on duty" Mountie to catch up with the extremely aroused man.
"Ray...I...uh." Fraser stuttered helplessly and bit down on his lower lip. Both men were breathing with considerably more effort than they had been a moment ago. Fraser looked down and saw that his hands still rested on Ray's hips and reluctantly moved them back to his sides. He felt the flames of embarrassment begin at his collar, lick up his neck and settle warmly on his cheeks.
"Yeah...uh...me too," Ray responded. Fraser forced himself to look Ray in the eyes. And that was his undoing. Were Ray's eyes really that strange mix of blue and gray? He'd never really noticed before. But now they seemed to be the center of his universe. He was astonished by the simple fact that Ray wasn't ranting at
him angrily, but rather was looking at him with something he couldn't...or wouldn't put a name to yet. Then that expression vanished, replaced by a question.
Fraser wanted to look away, but if nothing else, he was no coward. He just wished he could quit groping for the right words and tell Ray that he was just happy...overcome by emotion...and it had spilled over onto his best friend. But that excuse sounded rather inadequate, even to his ears.
"Ok, so we're both a little crazy, knowing that Dief is going to be ok," Ray was saying. Then the eyes changed...just barely, but to Fraser, who seldom missed anything, the shift was real. Before he could ask Ray exactly what he was thinking...what he thought of...the kiss, the detective had turned away and was kneeling before the kennel, reaching through the wire to touch Diefenbaker.
A warm, pink tongue licked at Ray's fingers and Fraser saw that Dief was indeed awake. Since the doctor had expected Dief to be out for at least a couple more hours, she had neglected to put a water bowl in his cage,
assuming the IV would be sufficient for his needs. Fraser scanned the room and saw a variety of dishes stacked in the corner. He walked over and chose a stainless steel bowl for Dief's water. Fraser was about to fill it at the sink when Ray's head rose and he sniffed loudly.
"What's that disgusting smell, Fraser?" Both men looked down at their pants. The contents of Dief's stomach were still mostly on Fraser's jodhpurs, but there was also a large, wet stain smeared across the front of Ray's black jeans.
"It would seem I...was not very careful. My apologies, Ray."
Ray reached out to grab the bowl out of Fraser's hand. "Here, let me get that. I'll just clean up a bit too." And he was out the door, headed for the bathroom. Never mind that there had been a sink right there in the room. Fraser wondered if Ray had felt the need to physically remove himself from his presence. He inwardly chastised himself for his presumption, regardless of circumstances. Sadly, he stared at the door where Ray had disappeared.
Fraser took the same position Ray had just vacated and reached in to ruffle the head of the wolf absently. "What have I done, Dief?" he asked the animal. Unfortunately, Dief didn't seem too inclined to give him a direct answer. Instead he licked at the proffered fingers and whined lower than usual. The tube must have irritated his throat, Fraser thought. Then Dief began talking in that special language the two of them had shared for years...a combination of growls, whimpers, whines and body language that only Fraser seemed to understand.
"You think so? I don't know. Ray looked very strange when he left." Dief rooted at Fraser's hand with his dry nose, then licked his palm. "Well, we'll just have to see won't we?" He stopped the conversation when the door opened and Ray came back with a full bowl of water.
"Here ya go, Dief," he said. Fraser opened the cage and Ray placed the bowl inside, then stepped back and looked down at Fraser still kneeling before the kennel. Fraser saw that the damp area across the front of Ray's pants was still there, but it only seemed to be water now and not vomit. Quickly he pulled his eyes from the spot toward which they kept wanting to wander.
Fraser squinted, moving his gaze to Ray's face as if the sun were in his eyes, then raised himself back up to his feet. "He seems to be coming around quickly now," he said smiling down at the wolf. "Thank you for staying Ray. It meant a great deal to both of us." And that's why I kissed you like that. But he didn't say that part.
"Hey, no prob, Frase. So, what now? You staying awhile longer now that we know he's out of danger?" Ray looked at his watch as if they hadn't just shared a very incredible moment. "It's after 1:00." Fraser couldn't tell
if Ray wanted to leave or not. All of a sudden everything about his friend was unreadable. The couple of feet that now separated them might as well have been miles.
"I think I'll stay here awhile longer, but there's really no reason for you to remain, Ray." The last thing Fraser wanted was for Ray to be afraid that something like the recent events would reoccur if he stayed...well, unless he wanted it to. Oh dear.
"Well...uh...ok, I guess I could go get some shut eye," Ray seemed to be hedging around something else as he shuffled his feet. Then he held his hand out to Fraser. "I'll be seein' ya tomorrow then, right? I want to know how Dief is doing."
"Of course." Fraser took the offered hand and shook it firmly, then realized that Ray wasn't letting go. His heart skipped a beat as he met those amazing eyes.
Without warning, it was his turn to be pulled into a strong embrace. All Ray had to do was tug on their clasped hands and Fraser was half way there. Once more the two men held each other closely. A gruff, raspy bark made Fraser pull back and look sharply at Dief. The wolf had seen that he was no longer the center of attention and was impatiently letting Fraser know what he thought of that.
Reluctantly Fraser stepped out of the embrace, a look as close to irritation as he would ever allow crossing his face. Would Ray have kissed him if Dief hadn't interrupted? And is that what he wanted?
Fraser turned a stern face to Dief. "Don't even start, Diefenbaker. You have no one to blame but yourself. Sympathy is no just reward for ignoring my warnings."
Ray laughed at his words and although Fraser's tone was sharp, his face softened with the knowledge that Dief would indeed pull through. Now if his friendship with Ray could do the same.
End...continued in Recovery.
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